It is strange to sit back and watch people go about their everyday lives. I'm not a stalker...I just observe life more often than not. I sit and watch and you'd be surprised at the things you can see happening all at once.
Picture it you're in a grocery store and you see a lot of people. As you walk past them you try to imagine who they are and what they're like. You observe what they grab as you go and how they carry themselves. You watch how they interact with others or how they avoid others.
You see one mother pushing her cart cooing at her toddler, watching carefully, while doing her shopping, but attentive to the little one that she obviously adores. Then you see another mother pushing her cart with her little one and two others holding the cart. She is ignoring what they are saying, almost oblivious to them. She walks away from the cart and her children often, not thinking anything of it...You think to yourself, "doesn't she watch the news, and see the horror stories of kids getting snatched away?" You keep your thoughts to yourself and continue on the the third mother with her children who appear to be a handful. At first she is soothing and trying to keep her calm, but you can see that her patience is being stretched thin. Then it happens, she loses her cool and ends up leaving her cart full of groceries in the middle of the isle and takes her kids and leaves the store empty handed with two upset children.
Then there's the next category, the people who are stopping in after work for last minute items on their way home. They are dresses in their work attire and rushing as they go. You can see the strain and weary look in their eyes. The stress emanates off of them in waves. They rush along the isles trying to get in and out as fast as they can possibly go. You try to stay out of their way because you're not sure when they'll explode from all of the pressure.
There's the nice little old ladies picking up their 20 or so items. They're a cheery bunch always ready to smile. They hold mirth in their eyes as if they know something that you don't know, like they hold the secrets to life, but watch in amusement as the rest of the world slowly discovers them. They smile at people who pass them and chuckle at the little ones. There are those who aged well and those who look older than their many years.
You see the single men walking around, glancing around at those around them with sometime a look of longing in their eyes as if they know what they're missing or with a look of pity at those around them for the same reason. Sometimes they have amusement clearly written on their faces and others they have a distant look. More often than not they go it and leave as quickly as they can.
Then you have the younger generation in general, who seem to shop in numbers. Whether it is because they need the hands to carry the groceries or if it is an insecurity for them to shop alone you can't tell. They laugh and all around enjoy being together, who knew that shopping for groceries could be so much fun?
You see the cautious shoppers, carefully reading labels and checking either the price or the nutritional content. Then you have those who just throw anything in their cart in hopes to get out of there as fast as they can. You have the shoppers who compare ten different brands of the same thing and then you have those who feel and smell everything before they buy.
It is truly bizarre what you will see if you watch closely enough. This is just one of the many places where you can truly see who people are. Sometimes people are so absorbed in their own thoughts while shopping that they tend to forget to put up their protective barriers and personas. They often reveal themselves without knowing it. You'd be surprised at how much goes on at once in the same place...if you have the time sit back and watch, observe, and learn.
Jen
Friday, December 03, 2004
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
The Aftermath...
Well, I thought that I'd try something a little different this time. As a hobby I like to write short stories. I usually try to write about things that people around my age can relate to in one way or another. So here it is the exerp from my latest creation.
Janie was a girl just like everyone else. She had friends, went out and had fun, loved her family, and was your all around typical teenage girl. Her personality is what set her apart from everyone else however. When she would walk in a room it was as if the whole room would light up with her presence. She was the all around "girl-next-door." With her carmel hair and amber eyes she could take the world by storm. Janie appeared to have everything and to be everything that everyone ever wanted.
Little did the rest of the world know that she was hiding something. Day in and day out was a struggle for the girl, a fight just to live. Life at home was never the perfect picture that people percieved it to be. Janie was the middle child in what could be considered a war zone. Sure she wore stylish clothes, but no one knew that she was hiding bruises underneath them.
She and her siblings learned early on not to get in "his" way. Her mother had remarried a few years after she turned five and ever since her life had been Hell. Her stepfather Bill turned out to be an abusive drunk, who had a heavy fist and a bad temper.
I know that it seems kind of morbid now...but I'm still trying to play with the idea and work out the plot and characters best way to mesh. That's about all I can think of for now.
Janie was a girl just like everyone else. She had friends, went out and had fun, loved her family, and was your all around typical teenage girl. Her personality is what set her apart from everyone else however. When she would walk in a room it was as if the whole room would light up with her presence. She was the all around "girl-next-door." With her carmel hair and amber eyes she could take the world by storm. Janie appeared to have everything and to be everything that everyone ever wanted.
Little did the rest of the world know that she was hiding something. Day in and day out was a struggle for the girl, a fight just to live. Life at home was never the perfect picture that people percieved it to be. Janie was the middle child in what could be considered a war zone. Sure she wore stylish clothes, but no one knew that she was hiding bruises underneath them.
She and her siblings learned early on not to get in "his" way. Her mother had remarried a few years after she turned five and ever since her life had been Hell. Her stepfather Bill turned out to be an abusive drunk, who had a heavy fist and a bad temper.
I know that it seems kind of morbid now...but I'm still trying to play with the idea and work out the plot and characters best way to mesh. That's about all I can think of for now.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Stopping Traffic?!?!?!
Well, first off I'd like you to know that my Thanksgiving break at home was great. I love being home with my family and just hanging out with everyone. We all had a great time together. I think that because my brother will be starting college in the fall we all tend to cherish what time we all have together. We prepared for Thanksgiving on Wednesday, made the dinner on Thursday, Christmas shopping on Friday, we got our Christmas tree Saturday...16 foot tree...Yeah that's another story for another time, then we decorated said tree on Sunday morning before I left to come back up to school. I really hate having to leave home after such a long time there. You kind of get used to being there and part of the routine again.
Anyways I think that you can recall how miserable it was like outside on Sunday, well I had to drive back to Keene in that weather. I had a bad feeling about that morning, but I had to get to school to get some stuff done. I ran some errands for my parents, packed up my car and left. My mother warned me to drive slow, so I was cautious, but apparently not enough.
I drove down my street and to Oxford Center to get on the highway. I don't know if any of you have driven on 395 through Worcester, but it's a task on a good day, never mind in shitty weather.
So I got onto 395 in Oxford and drove through to Auburn. It was windy and raining, making driving a bit more difficult than it should have been. I called my mom just before the mall exit in Auburn telling her that it was bad out...She said to go slow and be careful and right before we hung up, she said "I love you." As soon as the words left her mouth my stomach sunk, and I got that horrible foreboding feeling. Right then and there I knew that something bad was going to happen and I wanted to cry. I told her that I loved her too and hung up.
Not two minutes later I went to pass a van in the fast lane. I wasn't going more than 60 MPH, but apparently that was enough. I hit the first puddle and the wheel jerked. My mind was screaming as I fought to control the car. I knew that I was in trouble. The left side of the fast lane had water streaming down it. Then I saw the second puddle and stopped breathing, there was nothing that I could do.
Just as I hit the puddle the wind picked up and all Hell broke loose. My back end swung out and the spinning started. You know how they say you see your life flash before your eyes in near death experiences, well sometimes things happen so fast you don't see anything.
The car starts spinning and the tears start falling. I hold the wheel and struggle to gain control. I close my eyes and hit the brakes. I pray that no one gets hurt. While my car is spinning wildly across 3 lanes of highway in traffic I kept thinking if I die today, what have I done in my life that would make a difference to anyone? What have I done that would mean anything?
At this point I've resolved myself that there was no escaping my impending doom. 395 is a highway that runs over the city of Worcester, meaning that the highway is 40+ feet above the ground with only guard rails to "stop" your car.
Round and round we go, where we'll stop nobody knows. And then, the impossible happened. The car stopped spinning in the breakdown lane, granted I was facing the oncoming traffic, but I had stopped! Not only had I stopped, but I was alive and unhurt! I didn't hit anyone or anything!
I broke down into hysterics at this point. I couldn't think, I couldn't talk, I couldn't breathe. I looked up from my sob fest on my steering wheel and I had stopped all 3 lanes of traffic on 395 in Worcester! A mini-van pulled over in the breakdown lane in front of me it was a woman, a car pulled over behind me it was the daughter of the woman in the van. People came running, and I just cried. I looked over to the guard rail the only thing stopping anyone from dropping to certain death and I saw that I was only 3 feet away from dying. I cry harder at this while trying to assure the kind people who came to my rescue that I was fine.
Another van stops in the slow lane and puts his hazards on. He gets out of his van and comes over as well. I get out of my car, not a dent scratch or flat tire. The man from the van runs over and asks me about Turing my car around...I guess he took the hint that I couldn't and he smiled and laughed and did it for me. The woman and her daughter try talking to me, I really don't remember what I said to any of them, except for "thank you." The mother said something in light of it all, but I will never forget it, or the people who stopped to help me..."See, there are good people in the world." And she was right, there truly are kind people in the world. Complete strangers pulled over and stopped their lives to make sure that I was alright. It meant a lot to me and it is something that I will never forget.
Once I got me car back the right way I thanked all of them, got back in my car, and began my long and slow ride to Keene. I called my mother minutes later in hysterics telling her what had happened. She wanted me to pull off the road so that my parents could come and get me but I knew that if I didn't get on with it then and there I'd probably never go. I told her everything and through my tears and babbling she must have understood. I hung up with her once again and drove the rest of the way to school, legs shaking and tears streaming down my face.
I finally got to school unloaded the car, went to my room and cried. It was a bit much and a huge reality check for me. I've never been so scared in my entire life, never. Then the seriousness of it all hit me like a tidal wave. I almost died! I almost never saw my family again! I didn't tell them that I loved them before I left! Needless to say I sat in my dorm room for the rest of the day crying, alone. I didn't do anything for the rest of the day. I was traumatized, sore, and exhausted.
It is not an experience that I'll ever forget, but I truly wish to never repeat it. I almost lost so mush yesterday that I'm ready to cry. There's so much that I want to do with my life, and all of that was almost wiped away in a matter of seconds. Every year the Holidays are memorable to me, but this Thanksgiving break will always be remembered as the year that I stopped traffic on 395 in Worcester.
I hope you all had a better break than me.
Jen
Anyways I think that you can recall how miserable it was like outside on Sunday, well I had to drive back to Keene in that weather. I had a bad feeling about that morning, but I had to get to school to get some stuff done. I ran some errands for my parents, packed up my car and left. My mother warned me to drive slow, so I was cautious, but apparently not enough.
I drove down my street and to Oxford Center to get on the highway. I don't know if any of you have driven on 395 through Worcester, but it's a task on a good day, never mind in shitty weather.
So I got onto 395 in Oxford and drove through to Auburn. It was windy and raining, making driving a bit more difficult than it should have been. I called my mom just before the mall exit in Auburn telling her that it was bad out...She said to go slow and be careful and right before we hung up, she said "I love you." As soon as the words left her mouth my stomach sunk, and I got that horrible foreboding feeling. Right then and there I knew that something bad was going to happen and I wanted to cry. I told her that I loved her too and hung up.
Not two minutes later I went to pass a van in the fast lane. I wasn't going more than 60 MPH, but apparently that was enough. I hit the first puddle and the wheel jerked. My mind was screaming as I fought to control the car. I knew that I was in trouble. The left side of the fast lane had water streaming down it. Then I saw the second puddle and stopped breathing, there was nothing that I could do.
Just as I hit the puddle the wind picked up and all Hell broke loose. My back end swung out and the spinning started. You know how they say you see your life flash before your eyes in near death experiences, well sometimes things happen so fast you don't see anything.
The car starts spinning and the tears start falling. I hold the wheel and struggle to gain control. I close my eyes and hit the brakes. I pray that no one gets hurt. While my car is spinning wildly across 3 lanes of highway in traffic I kept thinking if I die today, what have I done in my life that would make a difference to anyone? What have I done that would mean anything?
At this point I've resolved myself that there was no escaping my impending doom. 395 is a highway that runs over the city of Worcester, meaning that the highway is 40+ feet above the ground with only guard rails to "stop" your car.
Round and round we go, where we'll stop nobody knows. And then, the impossible happened. The car stopped spinning in the breakdown lane, granted I was facing the oncoming traffic, but I had stopped! Not only had I stopped, but I was alive and unhurt! I didn't hit anyone or anything!
I broke down into hysterics at this point. I couldn't think, I couldn't talk, I couldn't breathe. I looked up from my sob fest on my steering wheel and I had stopped all 3 lanes of traffic on 395 in Worcester! A mini-van pulled over in the breakdown lane in front of me it was a woman, a car pulled over behind me it was the daughter of the woman in the van. People came running, and I just cried. I looked over to the guard rail the only thing stopping anyone from dropping to certain death and I saw that I was only 3 feet away from dying. I cry harder at this while trying to assure the kind people who came to my rescue that I was fine.
Another van stops in the slow lane and puts his hazards on. He gets out of his van and comes over as well. I get out of my car, not a dent scratch or flat tire. The man from the van runs over and asks me about Turing my car around...I guess he took the hint that I couldn't and he smiled and laughed and did it for me. The woman and her daughter try talking to me, I really don't remember what I said to any of them, except for "thank you." The mother said something in light of it all, but I will never forget it, or the people who stopped to help me..."See, there are good people in the world." And she was right, there truly are kind people in the world. Complete strangers pulled over and stopped their lives to make sure that I was alright. It meant a lot to me and it is something that I will never forget.
Once I got me car back the right way I thanked all of them, got back in my car, and began my long and slow ride to Keene. I called my mother minutes later in hysterics telling her what had happened. She wanted me to pull off the road so that my parents could come and get me but I knew that if I didn't get on with it then and there I'd probably never go. I told her everything and through my tears and babbling she must have understood. I hung up with her once again and drove the rest of the way to school, legs shaking and tears streaming down my face.
I finally got to school unloaded the car, went to my room and cried. It was a bit much and a huge reality check for me. I've never been so scared in my entire life, never. Then the seriousness of it all hit me like a tidal wave. I almost died! I almost never saw my family again! I didn't tell them that I loved them before I left! Needless to say I sat in my dorm room for the rest of the day crying, alone. I didn't do anything for the rest of the day. I was traumatized, sore, and exhausted.
It is not an experience that I'll ever forget, but I truly wish to never repeat it. I almost lost so mush yesterday that I'm ready to cry. There's so much that I want to do with my life, and all of that was almost wiped away in a matter of seconds. Every year the Holidays are memorable to me, but this Thanksgiving break will always be remembered as the year that I stopped traffic on 395 in Worcester.
I hope you all had a better break than me.
Jen
Monday, November 22, 2004
Family Matters...
If it is one thing in life that has always been there for me it has been my family. Through thick and thin they have stood by me and have helped me along the way. They give me strength when I have none, they give me hope when I have given up, and they have a faith and belief in me that often brings me to tears. Their unconditional love and support has gotten me through the worst and best of times. Without them I don't know where I'd be today.
With that said let me introduce you to my family, who is said to be able to give the Osborne's a run for their money. ( No, I'm not joking! ) First there is my father, the working man, who with his quiet solid form, can do just about anything. I have "super-dad," who can do just about anything. He can fix a car, build just about anything, make you laugh until you cry, make you smile, and just be crazy old dad...That's right crazy, but we'll get back to that.
Next comes mom...There's not a stronger woman you will ever find. She's beautiful, smart, funny, but she does have her "crazy blonde" moments...Don't we all. She stayed at home and raised us most of our lives, but occasionally over the years she has worked odd jobs. She is the most loving and fun person anyone could want for a mother. She's understanding and patient...She had to be with us demons in the house...( four kids by the age of 29...Five when you include the biggest kid in the house, dad!)
Then there's me...The rebel, the supposed "book worm" and "goody-goody," yeah right...If they only knew. Let's just say that people have always assumed I was the Mandy Moore character in "A Walk to Remember." You know the one...The girl who never does anything wrong. That's a laugh. I could pour the perfect beer from a keg before I could do most other things. I was drinking on a regular basis by the age of 13. I skipped CCD-"Sunday School" and pretty much rebelled when I could...And sort of still do.
Next is my brother, the comedian in our rabble of misfits. He can talk his way around you in a conversation and in the end you'll agree with him for two reasons: 1.) you just want him to shut up and stop bothering you 2.) he can sometimes actually have you agreeing and you won't know it. He says the right things to make you laugh and bring up your mood, despite his sarcasm. He's a big clown... A cross between Jim Carry and Adam Sandler and I'm not exaggerating. He's hilarious, but he's also the sweetest guy in the world.
Then there's my little sister, the resident pre-teen who, well can make things a little dramatic and stressful at times. I suppose that it's the age, but seriously, she's topped even me in the bitchy category at times, but you gotta love the girl for it. Under her bristly exterior is one of the most caring people that I know. Sure she says some pretty random and dumb stuff at times, but it just makes you love her that much more.
Finally, last but not least is our little man, my "baby" brother who turns 8 next month. He is one of the most active little guys I have ever known. Some days he's up and out before the rest of us off on one of his adventures and doesn't come home 'til dark ( summer time usually). He's the kid who brings critters home in his pockets and climbs trees 10 times his height. He gets dirty and muddy and he loves it.
Now that I've introduced you to the family, I'll give you stories and scenarios so you better understand the madness I can't get enough of.
1.)...We were all home one day sitting down for dinner in the dining room for the first time in a long time. (We usually all eat in other rooms or at different times.) Dinner went relatively well, the conversation wasn't what you'd call dinner conversation, but oh well. So dinner was coming to an end with all of us bickering and arguing, over what I don't remember. My brother and I swapped veggies for steak ( he hates steak) and mom got mad...Things escalated and finally everyone was ready to leave, but we calmed down and mom calmly stated that if we couldn't sit down nicely that we wouldn't try it again. Dad got up and went to get the dinner rolls and mom asked him to pass her one...And he did, literally, he threw it to her, not to be mean...He just tossed it and she wasn't looking and it hit on the head...And we all (except mom) died laughing, needless to say our "nice family dinner" was over that night.
2.)...We were all in the kitchen/dining room talking, I don't remember what about but let me give you some background info again on my brother, "the comedian." Apparently he had just recently watched a Jeff Foxworthy special on Comedy Central...Need I say more? Anyways, back to the story. Well at some point during the day my sister had gotten 2 "signs" from my brother for saying something stupid...So were were all talking in the kitchen and she randomly blurts out the most absurd thing in the world..."What if there was cubed cheese?" ( I'll explain further) My brother, being himself, hands her the third "sign" and proceeded to throw his shoe at her and wacked her in the head knocking her off of her chair. I fell to the ground laughing as did most everyone else...It gets better...Then she says"No, I meant cheese in an ice cube..." And that just left us all laughing so hard we were crying...And my brother looked appalled that she would think of something that crazy...At first he thought, as did we all, that she was talking about a block of cheese, but this time she out did herself in her random dumb comments.
3.)...My "baby" brother was outside in the yard one day with mom while the rest of us were at school, or work. They were gardening and pulling weeds from the flower beds. My brother, the little helper that he is wanted to help...So he did...Mom pulled up some weeds by the roots and out fell a worm. Now my brother was little at the time I think 3 at the most. He touched it and freaked out and started crying...Apparently his adventurous outdoors nature was still latent. Anyways when we got home from school mom told us what happened saying, "...Doesn't like worms.."And my brother turns to my "baby" brother and asks..."Why not they taste like chicken?" yep he actually asked that, whether or not he was serious I still don't know, but I wouldn't put it past him, the kid ate bugs until he was like 10 just for the Hell of it...He'd eat just about anything...
I don't have any particular funny stories about dad, but there are many coming from a guy who threw rocks and sticks at the neighborhood kids as a game...He's an all around fun guy.
Like I said we could give the Osborne's a run for their money...Me the rebel, my bro the comedian, my sister the drama queen ditz, and lil bro who gets into more trouble than the rest of us combined, then again he learned from the masters of childhood terror...Sledding off of cliffs...Playing "diver Dan" in the road... acorn and apple fights...yep we were crazy and did some pretty dumb stuff just for kicks...Who else build "go-carts" out of an old push lawn mower and uses a rock tied to an old extension cord for breaks...Those were the days and I loved every one of them.
Jen
With that said let me introduce you to my family, who is said to be able to give the Osborne's a run for their money. ( No, I'm not joking! ) First there is my father, the working man, who with his quiet solid form, can do just about anything. I have "super-dad," who can do just about anything. He can fix a car, build just about anything, make you laugh until you cry, make you smile, and just be crazy old dad...That's right crazy, but we'll get back to that.
Next comes mom...There's not a stronger woman you will ever find. She's beautiful, smart, funny, but she does have her "crazy blonde" moments...Don't we all. She stayed at home and raised us most of our lives, but occasionally over the years she has worked odd jobs. She is the most loving and fun person anyone could want for a mother. She's understanding and patient...She had to be with us demons in the house...( four kids by the age of 29...Five when you include the biggest kid in the house, dad!)
Then there's me...The rebel, the supposed "book worm" and "goody-goody," yeah right...If they only knew. Let's just say that people have always assumed I was the Mandy Moore character in "A Walk to Remember." You know the one...The girl who never does anything wrong. That's a laugh. I could pour the perfect beer from a keg before I could do most other things. I was drinking on a regular basis by the age of 13. I skipped CCD-"Sunday School" and pretty much rebelled when I could...And sort of still do.
Next is my brother, the comedian in our rabble of misfits. He can talk his way around you in a conversation and in the end you'll agree with him for two reasons: 1.) you just want him to shut up and stop bothering you 2.) he can sometimes actually have you agreeing and you won't know it. He says the right things to make you laugh and bring up your mood, despite his sarcasm. He's a big clown... A cross between Jim Carry and Adam Sandler and I'm not exaggerating. He's hilarious, but he's also the sweetest guy in the world.
Then there's my little sister, the resident pre-teen who, well can make things a little dramatic and stressful at times. I suppose that it's the age, but seriously, she's topped even me in the bitchy category at times, but you gotta love the girl for it. Under her bristly exterior is one of the most caring people that I know. Sure she says some pretty random and dumb stuff at times, but it just makes you love her that much more.
Finally, last but not least is our little man, my "baby" brother who turns 8 next month. He is one of the most active little guys I have ever known. Some days he's up and out before the rest of us off on one of his adventures and doesn't come home 'til dark ( summer time usually). He's the kid who brings critters home in his pockets and climbs trees 10 times his height. He gets dirty and muddy and he loves it.
Now that I've introduced you to the family, I'll give you stories and scenarios so you better understand the madness I can't get enough of.
1.)...We were all home one day sitting down for dinner in the dining room for the first time in a long time. (We usually all eat in other rooms or at different times.) Dinner went relatively well, the conversation wasn't what you'd call dinner conversation, but oh well. So dinner was coming to an end with all of us bickering and arguing, over what I don't remember. My brother and I swapped veggies for steak ( he hates steak) and mom got mad...Things escalated and finally everyone was ready to leave, but we calmed down and mom calmly stated that if we couldn't sit down nicely that we wouldn't try it again. Dad got up and went to get the dinner rolls and mom asked him to pass her one...And he did, literally, he threw it to her, not to be mean...He just tossed it and she wasn't looking and it hit on the head...And we all (except mom) died laughing, needless to say our "nice family dinner" was over that night.
2.)...We were all in the kitchen/dining room talking, I don't remember what about but let me give you some background info again on my brother, "the comedian." Apparently he had just recently watched a Jeff Foxworthy special on Comedy Central...Need I say more? Anyways, back to the story. Well at some point during the day my sister had gotten 2 "signs" from my brother for saying something stupid...So were were all talking in the kitchen and she randomly blurts out the most absurd thing in the world..."What if there was cubed cheese?" ( I'll explain further) My brother, being himself, hands her the third "sign" and proceeded to throw his shoe at her and wacked her in the head knocking her off of her chair. I fell to the ground laughing as did most everyone else...It gets better...Then she says"No, I meant cheese in an ice cube..." And that just left us all laughing so hard we were crying...And my brother looked appalled that she would think of something that crazy...At first he thought, as did we all, that she was talking about a block of cheese, but this time she out did herself in her random dumb comments.
3.)...My "baby" brother was outside in the yard one day with mom while the rest of us were at school, or work. They were gardening and pulling weeds from the flower beds. My brother, the little helper that he is wanted to help...So he did...Mom pulled up some weeds by the roots and out fell a worm. Now my brother was little at the time I think 3 at the most. He touched it and freaked out and started crying...Apparently his adventurous outdoors nature was still latent. Anyways when we got home from school mom told us what happened saying, "...Doesn't like worms.."And my brother turns to my "baby" brother and asks..."Why not they taste like chicken?" yep he actually asked that, whether or not he was serious I still don't know, but I wouldn't put it past him, the kid ate bugs until he was like 10 just for the Hell of it...He'd eat just about anything...
I don't have any particular funny stories about dad, but there are many coming from a guy who threw rocks and sticks at the neighborhood kids as a game...He's an all around fun guy.
Like I said we could give the Osborne's a run for their money...Me the rebel, my bro the comedian, my sister the drama queen ditz, and lil bro who gets into more trouble than the rest of us combined, then again he learned from the masters of childhood terror...Sledding off of cliffs...Playing "diver Dan" in the road... acorn and apple fights...yep we were crazy and did some pretty dumb stuff just for kicks...Who else build "go-carts" out of an old push lawn mower and uses a rock tied to an old extension cord for breaks...Those were the days and I loved every one of them.
Jen
Monday, November 15, 2004
Kids...
I've decided that I love kids! I've always been around kids, babysitting and helping my family with siblings and cousins. One would think that with all of the time spent with them that I would have been scared away from the idea of eventually having kids, but that's not the case.
For my work study job here at school at work for an after school homework lab/ after school program fro kids from kindergarten to fifth grade. This job has really openned my eyes to the full experience of being around kids. Sure I got a lot of experience growing as the oldest of four in my house, but it's different when you are related to the kids that you're responsible for.
In the past couple of months I've really connected to this amazing group of little hellions. I adore and admire each and everyone of them for their little quirks and their charming smiles. There's nothing in the world like teaching them something new or helping them to achieve something. I have never felt this way before when I go to work and hang out with the kids coloring or playing on the playground. It's a new adventure everyday and they've openned my eyes to a lot of things. They halp me to see the innocence and purity that is still left in this ravished world.
I can't seem to get it through my head that these brave and intelligent little people are going to have to eventually face the world some day. It makes you just want to hide them away from the rest of the world and protect them from everything and anything that will harm them. It pains me to know that they will soon lose whatever youthful innocence that remains. I'm not sure that they can even imagine what the world holds for them. For now they live in their blissfully naive little world of childhood, but how soon will it last?
I envy their outlook on life. They are so opimistic and pure that I ache inside thinking about how cruel the world can and will eventually be to them. I've grown up from the serious little child that I once was, but a part of that little girl survives in me and is in awe of the world around me. I love to color and play outside. I love to swing and read silly stories. I just love doing all that things that make life so simple and yet so comfortable.
These kids have made such an impact on my life and I didn't even know that they wiggle their way into my heart until it was too late. I have come to care about each and everyone of them. I love children in general. Kids are like no other group of people in the world. They can take you to far away places with their stories and adventures and they can bring you to your knees with their tears. They hold the future and the world in the palms of their tiny hands and yet the rest of the world seems to forget that simple fact.
It makes me sick to see most of what happens to children in the world. How anyone can harm or kill a child is beyond me. I have to turn off the TV sometimes because I start crying when I hear how a parent murdered their child or beat them until they were hospitalized...and don't even get me started on the sexual abuse that you hear about. Children are the world and to tarnish that innocence or to take it away prematurely is wrong and vile.
Maybe it's the maternal side in me coming out or maybe its the humane part of who I am, but I can't stand to see anyone harmed, especially not children. I can't say enough, but I love kids, and if my mother reads this she may very well panic because up until now I have convinced my family that I'd never have kids. Don't panic yet mom, I'm planning on starting anytime soon! Eventaully, yes, like five or more years down the road, but right now, nah. Life's just beginning to get interesting here and I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility. I can barely keep myself out of trouble, never mind a whole other person depending on me for survival.
Jen
For my work study job here at school at work for an after school homework lab/ after school program fro kids from kindergarten to fifth grade. This job has really openned my eyes to the full experience of being around kids. Sure I got a lot of experience growing as the oldest of four in my house, but it's different when you are related to the kids that you're responsible for.
In the past couple of months I've really connected to this amazing group of little hellions. I adore and admire each and everyone of them for their little quirks and their charming smiles. There's nothing in the world like teaching them something new or helping them to achieve something. I have never felt this way before when I go to work and hang out with the kids coloring or playing on the playground. It's a new adventure everyday and they've openned my eyes to a lot of things. They halp me to see the innocence and purity that is still left in this ravished world.
I can't seem to get it through my head that these brave and intelligent little people are going to have to eventually face the world some day. It makes you just want to hide them away from the rest of the world and protect them from everything and anything that will harm them. It pains me to know that they will soon lose whatever youthful innocence that remains. I'm not sure that they can even imagine what the world holds for them. For now they live in their blissfully naive little world of childhood, but how soon will it last?
I envy their outlook on life. They are so opimistic and pure that I ache inside thinking about how cruel the world can and will eventually be to them. I've grown up from the serious little child that I once was, but a part of that little girl survives in me and is in awe of the world around me. I love to color and play outside. I love to swing and read silly stories. I just love doing all that things that make life so simple and yet so comfortable.
These kids have made such an impact on my life and I didn't even know that they wiggle their way into my heart until it was too late. I have come to care about each and everyone of them. I love children in general. Kids are like no other group of people in the world. They can take you to far away places with their stories and adventures and they can bring you to your knees with their tears. They hold the future and the world in the palms of their tiny hands and yet the rest of the world seems to forget that simple fact.
It makes me sick to see most of what happens to children in the world. How anyone can harm or kill a child is beyond me. I have to turn off the TV sometimes because I start crying when I hear how a parent murdered their child or beat them until they were hospitalized...and don't even get me started on the sexual abuse that you hear about. Children are the world and to tarnish that innocence or to take it away prematurely is wrong and vile.
Maybe it's the maternal side in me coming out or maybe its the humane part of who I am, but I can't stand to see anyone harmed, especially not children. I can't say enough, but I love kids, and if my mother reads this she may very well panic because up until now I have convinced my family that I'd never have kids. Don't panic yet mom, I'm planning on starting anytime soon! Eventaully, yes, like five or more years down the road, but right now, nah. Life's just beginning to get interesting here and I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility. I can barely keep myself out of trouble, never mind a whole other person depending on me for survival.
Jen
Monday, November 08, 2004
Who Am I?
Yep, it's official, I really hate going to school. I've always hated school, always. People have just assumed that because I may get good grades that I liked it or enjoyed it, but they couldn't have been more wrong. School, extra curriculars, sports, and other things were just expected of me. More than that, I was expected to do well, not because it was what they wanted for me, but because they knew that I could do it. I proved that I could do well early on, so I guess that there wasn't really an excuse for anything less afterwards.
Everything seems really superficial. We go to school for at least 16 years, given or take a couple, to go get a job, to pay the bills, to live in a rigid routine of clocks, bells and signs ruling our lives. Ugh!! I really don't want any of this right now. All I want to do is live my life and to be happy with whatever I do, but as far as I can tell that's not going to happen because we go back to the what's expected of me aspect of my life that I can't seem to escape.
I know that clinging to those childhood ideals of what life is or what it could be isn't exactly the way to go, but I can't let go of them. I still want to believe that I can find what I'm looking for in life. I'm not sure what it is, but I just have this feeling that I'm waiting for something. I'm not content with the way things are going, sure I'll get my degree, get my professional/master's, get a good paying job, and live day in and day out repeating the same thing everyday. I used to be afraid of the unknown, but now I'm afraid of living the same thing everyday. The monotony of it all is depressing.
I know that there is so much more out there, I just have to open my eyes and find it. I can tell you this much though, when I find it, I'm holding on with both hands and never letting go. I've lived 19 years of the expected and the "right" thing according to others, and I've decided that it's about time that I do something for me. I'm going to study abroad Spring 2006, my roommate and I are going to Ireland. I need to see some of the world before I resolve myself to the monotonous fate that is known as life.
I want to do what they think that I should do, but in all honesty it doesn't make me happy. Somehow over the years I've lost myself in the person that they wanted me to become and have lost sight of what matters to me. Slowly over these past two years I'm discovering the real me who somehow hid underneath the mask of the "book-worm." I nearly had a serious breakdown last year struggling to find myself and still I don't quite have the answers to all of the questions that keep arising.
To say that my life has been tough is an understatement. I don't want pity, I don't need it. The past is the past and life goes on. I can only look to the future and hope for the best, despite everything that is happening in the world around me today. I love them an would do anything for them, but I can't live my life for them. I know that they all have such high hopes for me, and maybe I do too, but I think that I really need to find myself before I can completely grow up, which a scary thought in itself.
I just need to find my place before I can settle in to the world and be somewhat content. I see everyone around me getting married and having kids, and not that I want that right now, but I can't help but feel that slight twinge knowing that I don't have that. I can't explain why I'd be happy as a stay at home mom, but that's what I keep coming back to...Sure I want a career and a good paying job, but, I see all the amazing things that my mother and aunts did and I admire them for it. I also want to be involved if and when I have kids.
I'm tired of being who other want me to be or who they expect me to be, I'm my own person damn it and it's about time that they start realizing it too! I want my own life, so let me live it and go live yours! Wow, that definitely felt good to get that out finally!
This is getting out of hand so before I get all crazy writing this I'm going to have to end it here.
Jen
Everything seems really superficial. We go to school for at least 16 years, given or take a couple, to go get a job, to pay the bills, to live in a rigid routine of clocks, bells and signs ruling our lives. Ugh!! I really don't want any of this right now. All I want to do is live my life and to be happy with whatever I do, but as far as I can tell that's not going to happen because we go back to the what's expected of me aspect of my life that I can't seem to escape.
I know that clinging to those childhood ideals of what life is or what it could be isn't exactly the way to go, but I can't let go of them. I still want to believe that I can find what I'm looking for in life. I'm not sure what it is, but I just have this feeling that I'm waiting for something. I'm not content with the way things are going, sure I'll get my degree, get my professional/master's, get a good paying job, and live day in and day out repeating the same thing everyday. I used to be afraid of the unknown, but now I'm afraid of living the same thing everyday. The monotony of it all is depressing.
I know that there is so much more out there, I just have to open my eyes and find it. I can tell you this much though, when I find it, I'm holding on with both hands and never letting go. I've lived 19 years of the expected and the "right" thing according to others, and I've decided that it's about time that I do something for me. I'm going to study abroad Spring 2006, my roommate and I are going to Ireland. I need to see some of the world before I resolve myself to the monotonous fate that is known as life.
I want to do what they think that I should do, but in all honesty it doesn't make me happy. Somehow over the years I've lost myself in the person that they wanted me to become and have lost sight of what matters to me. Slowly over these past two years I'm discovering the real me who somehow hid underneath the mask of the "book-worm." I nearly had a serious breakdown last year struggling to find myself and still I don't quite have the answers to all of the questions that keep arising.
To say that my life has been tough is an understatement. I don't want pity, I don't need it. The past is the past and life goes on. I can only look to the future and hope for the best, despite everything that is happening in the world around me today. I love them an would do anything for them, but I can't live my life for them. I know that they all have such high hopes for me, and maybe I do too, but I think that I really need to find myself before I can completely grow up, which a scary thought in itself.
I just need to find my place before I can settle in to the world and be somewhat content. I see everyone around me getting married and having kids, and not that I want that right now, but I can't help but feel that slight twinge knowing that I don't have that. I can't explain why I'd be happy as a stay at home mom, but that's what I keep coming back to...Sure I want a career and a good paying job, but, I see all the amazing things that my mother and aunts did and I admire them for it. I also want to be involved if and when I have kids.
I'm tired of being who other want me to be or who they expect me to be, I'm my own person damn it and it's about time that they start realizing it too! I want my own life, so let me live it and go live yours! Wow, that definitely felt good to get that out finally!
This is getting out of hand so before I get all crazy writing this I'm going to have to end it here.
Jen
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
This is too much!!!
This has got to be some of the most intense baseball that I've ever watched! Sure the series against the Yankess was tight and suspenseful, but this is killing me. All I can keep thinking about is how my nana has held on for so long just to see this, the Red Sox in the series, one out away from winning... HOLY SHIT THEY JUST WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't even begin to describe the feeling that I have right now. I've waited my entire life for this, as have many members of my family. This has been 86 years in the making; they made history tonight. I don't even think that I can form coherent sentences at this point in time.
I just got back from the quad and the "riot." I am amazed that so many people have held onto the belief that they could do it for all of this time. I have grown up around sports and the crazy atmosphere that comes with it, and the only experience that even comes close in my mind is when the Patriots won the Super Bowl ( both times)!
There I go again rambling and I'm still not sure if I'm making any sense as I'm writing this, but who cares at this point, THE RED SOX JUST WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!!! ( the Patriots have won 21 in a row...) what else could you ask for? Except maybe the Celtics...but only time will tell.
Life is good...
Jen
I can't even begin to describe the feeling that I have right now. I've waited my entire life for this, as have many members of my family. This has been 86 years in the making; they made history tonight. I don't even think that I can form coherent sentences at this point in time.
I just got back from the quad and the "riot." I am amazed that so many people have held onto the belief that they could do it for all of this time. I have grown up around sports and the crazy atmosphere that comes with it, and the only experience that even comes close in my mind is when the Patriots won the Super Bowl ( both times)!
There I go again rambling and I'm still not sure if I'm making any sense as I'm writing this, but who cares at this point, THE RED SOX JUST WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!!! ( the Patriots have won 21 in a row...) what else could you ask for? Except maybe the Celtics...but only time will tell.
Life is good...
Jen
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Going Deaf...
Well, last night I went to see Dogfight at the Axis in Boston. It was amazing to say the least. First of all, it was my fist time driving on the Mass Pike and Rte. 128 and that alone was one Hell of an accomplishment. Second of all, I've never been to Boston without my parents, so to say that this was a big thing is an understatement.
Back on track, we got there after a T-ride from Hell( I get motion sickness!!) and walked around the block to where the Axis was located. We got in ( My brother, three of his friends, my roommate, and myself), and waited for the first openning band to go on, that's right, the first, implying that there was more than one! There were three, yep, three bands that went on before Dogfight even hit the stage!
The first band was a local band from Boston, In Vision ( I hope that I got that right). They were pretty good and are planning on recording their album soon. The second band was another local one, but their music has been on WAAF! Halobourne was really good live and their music was...loud! Next came September Twilight, my favorite other than Dogfight. They had such a great sound and presence on stage. I ended up buying their CD and guess what, they sounded great, but I'd have to say I liked them live better.
Last, but certainly not least was Dogfight! Now I wasn't sure what to expect, and honestly I was afraid that they wouldn't be all that great live, even thought my brother told me that they were great at Loco. To say that I wasn't disappointed would be an understatement. They were amazing live! They sounded just as good if not better than their CD!
I really loved the show and the music. The only complaint that I have is that I'm still not hearing things as I normally would. It was so loud, which is expected at rock concerts, but seriously it was insane. I was right by the speakers all night long so it will be intersting to so how long it is before I can hear again.
I loved spending time with the roomie and my brother. It was a great night all around. The T ride back to the car was intersting to say the least. Let's just say that cramming into the T like sardines was worse than the ride in and I almost didn't make it without getting sick.
I'm still blown away by the whole experience because we were no less than ten feet from bands that we hear on the radio at home. It was an experience of a lifetime. My first concert with my brother, just so happened to be my first time driving on the Mass Pike.
Well I can't really think of much else to ramble on about. But I can honestly tell you that if i didn't like Dogfight before, I love them now! And September Twilight is a band worth checking out. Until next time.
Jen
Back on track, we got there after a T-ride from Hell( I get motion sickness!!) and walked around the block to where the Axis was located. We got in ( My brother, three of his friends, my roommate, and myself), and waited for the first openning band to go on, that's right, the first, implying that there was more than one! There were three, yep, three bands that went on before Dogfight even hit the stage!
The first band was a local band from Boston, In Vision ( I hope that I got that right). They were pretty good and are planning on recording their album soon. The second band was another local one, but their music has been on WAAF! Halobourne was really good live and their music was...loud! Next came September Twilight, my favorite other than Dogfight. They had such a great sound and presence on stage. I ended up buying their CD and guess what, they sounded great, but I'd have to say I liked them live better.
Last, but certainly not least was Dogfight! Now I wasn't sure what to expect, and honestly I was afraid that they wouldn't be all that great live, even thought my brother told me that they were great at Loco. To say that I wasn't disappointed would be an understatement. They were amazing live! They sounded just as good if not better than their CD!
I really loved the show and the music. The only complaint that I have is that I'm still not hearing things as I normally would. It was so loud, which is expected at rock concerts, but seriously it was insane. I was right by the speakers all night long so it will be intersting to so how long it is before I can hear again.
I loved spending time with the roomie and my brother. It was a great night all around. The T ride back to the car was intersting to say the least. Let's just say that cramming into the T like sardines was worse than the ride in and I almost didn't make it without getting sick.
I'm still blown away by the whole experience because we were no less than ten feet from bands that we hear on the radio at home. It was an experience of a lifetime. My first concert with my brother, just so happened to be my first time driving on the Mass Pike.
Well I can't really think of much else to ramble on about. But I can honestly tell you that if i didn't like Dogfight before, I love them now! And September Twilight is a band worth checking out. Until next time.
Jen
Friday, October 22, 2004
Random Thoughts
As I have gotten older I have been reflecting on my life and experiences more and more often. When I was younger I never really thought much about things in my life and just went along blissfully niave to the ways of the world. I find myself wondering how things in my life would be had certain events in my past turned out differently. Where would I be now if I chose another path?
I can't seem to allow myself to be satisfied or content with my life. I want so much more than there is before my eyes right now. Sure my life is better off when compared to many other people in the world today, but it is a far cry from being happy with it. I want to find that sparkle that has seemed to fade over time. I hate to wake up and see the reality of what the world is like every day. Each day the world around me begins to fade more into the shadows. A little more of the world that I once knew and looked at in awe, dies slowly with the passage of time.
I watch the life that I am living take the sidetracks from what I imagined it would be when I was younger. I know for a fact that not everything in life can be perfect, but it is hard for me to let life take me where ever it will go. I am so used to having things well thought out or planned out before I actually jump in and participate. Now nothing is for certain or planned out, and while that has a certain appeal, it scares the Hell out of me.
I know that all of this is a major part of growing up; dealing with the unknown and taking it all in stride, but I can't seem to let go of those past practices and routines. I guess that I'm just doing a lot of thinking, now that I have more time to myself to do so.
Life has a funny way of showing us things about ourselves and even though we may not necessarily understand the purpose for events, there is a reason for everything. This is something that I truly believe and live by. I'm trying not to read too much into things and to just go with the flow. Life's a roller coaster and I'm just along for the ride!
Jen
I can't seem to allow myself to be satisfied or content with my life. I want so much more than there is before my eyes right now. Sure my life is better off when compared to many other people in the world today, but it is a far cry from being happy with it. I want to find that sparkle that has seemed to fade over time. I hate to wake up and see the reality of what the world is like every day. Each day the world around me begins to fade more into the shadows. A little more of the world that I once knew and looked at in awe, dies slowly with the passage of time.
I watch the life that I am living take the sidetracks from what I imagined it would be when I was younger. I know for a fact that not everything in life can be perfect, but it is hard for me to let life take me where ever it will go. I am so used to having things well thought out or planned out before I actually jump in and participate. Now nothing is for certain or planned out, and while that has a certain appeal, it scares the Hell out of me.
I know that all of this is a major part of growing up; dealing with the unknown and taking it all in stride, but I can't seem to let go of those past practices and routines. I guess that I'm just doing a lot of thinking, now that I have more time to myself to do so.
Life has a funny way of showing us things about ourselves and even though we may not necessarily understand the purpose for events, there is a reason for everything. This is something that I truly believe and live by. I'm trying not to read too much into things and to just go with the flow. Life's a roller coaster and I'm just along for the ride!
Jen
Monday, October 18, 2004
Cursing at the TV
Yet again I found myself sitting in my dorm room swear and cursing at the TV last night. Did I expect it to answer me? Not really, but as you might imagine, it relieves a lot of my stress and frustration. If it is one thing that I have learned from playing sports, sitting on the sidelines watching is far more difficult than playing. Sure while playing you are solely focused on the task at hand, the field, the other players, and you, which isn't necessarily easy, but that doesn't come close to having to sit there helplessly watching as the game goes one way or anther.
Sports is as much a part of me as anything else in my life if not more than most things. I live, breathe, and sleep all things sports. Growing up watching the Patriots, Celtics, Bruins, and Red Sox has definitely influenced my interest.
Even now, years later and while I am older, I still love watching the game with the family.
There's nothing like being at home in your lucky jersey watching your favorite team with the family. I have really come to appreciate that and the fact that it isn't the greatest thing to sit in your room with someone who doesn't quite feel the same way about the game, or like last night, watching the game all alone.
I sat in my room last night swearing at the TV, coming seriously close to throwing things! I love sports with a passion and get really caught up in the heat of the moment. I guess you could say it's in my blood. The adrenaline that rushes through your veins while watching the events play before your eyes is like nothing else.
In my mind there's nothing like playing the game, but I never realized just how intense watching it could be. I know that it may sound weird to say this, but I think I finally understand all of the stress that my mother went through while I was playing over the years.
She could never eat anything during my games...the one time she did she ended up choking on a peanut M&M because I hit my first out of the park home run. Needless to say that watching sports has turned out to be the same for me. I can't do anything else!
Good luck to the Red Sox and Go PATS!
Jen
Sports is as much a part of me as anything else in my life if not more than most things. I live, breathe, and sleep all things sports. Growing up watching the Patriots, Celtics, Bruins, and Red Sox has definitely influenced my interest.
Even now, years later and while I am older, I still love watching the game with the family.
There's nothing like being at home in your lucky jersey watching your favorite team with the family. I have really come to appreciate that and the fact that it isn't the greatest thing to sit in your room with someone who doesn't quite feel the same way about the game, or like last night, watching the game all alone.
I sat in my room last night swearing at the TV, coming seriously close to throwing things! I love sports with a passion and get really caught up in the heat of the moment. I guess you could say it's in my blood. The adrenaline that rushes through your veins while watching the events play before your eyes is like nothing else.
In my mind there's nothing like playing the game, but I never realized just how intense watching it could be. I know that it may sound weird to say this, but I think I finally understand all of the stress that my mother went through while I was playing over the years.
She could never eat anything during my games...the one time she did she ended up choking on a peanut M&M because I hit my first out of the park home run. Needless to say that watching sports has turned out to be the same for me. I can't do anything else!
Good luck to the Red Sox and Go PATS!
Jen
Monday, October 11, 2004
Life on the Outside
Stuck on the outside looking in
Wondering when your turn will begin
Not knowing where to turn to
Not knowing how to get through
Wishing that somehow they’d see
Who you really are and who you want to be
The emptiness grows within you
And it’s so hard to continue
Looking in from the outside
While letting your emotions hide
Slowly slipping into the shadows of life
Walking toward the gallows to end the strife
The pain that once burned now consumes
Bringing you closer to your ultimate doom
Trapped within your own tears and madness
Reaching for the happiness in the sadness
But when the dust clears you’re still alone
Watching the world and how it’s grown
Watching but never really taking part
Wanting to fit in deep down in your heart
Trying to reach out but no one knows
They change with the wind as it blows
Sometimes the look but they’ll never see
While you may be trapped at the same time you’re free
You know who you are and don’t want change
So who cares if people look at you like you’re strange
You’ve found yourself in the midst of this crazy world
Your uniqueness makes you as precious as a pearl
Be who you are while looking in from the outside
Because despite its faults life will provide
If nothing else is true this much is
Life is what you make it I promise you this
So hold your head hide and never let go
It’s your turn to let the world know and show
That you are yourself and you a free
To be who you are and who you want to be
Jen
Wondering when your turn will begin
Not knowing where to turn to
Not knowing how to get through
Wishing that somehow they’d see
Who you really are and who you want to be
The emptiness grows within you
And it’s so hard to continue
Looking in from the outside
While letting your emotions hide
Slowly slipping into the shadows of life
Walking toward the gallows to end the strife
The pain that once burned now consumes
Bringing you closer to your ultimate doom
Trapped within your own tears and madness
Reaching for the happiness in the sadness
But when the dust clears you’re still alone
Watching the world and how it’s grown
Watching but never really taking part
Wanting to fit in deep down in your heart
Trying to reach out but no one knows
They change with the wind as it blows
Sometimes the look but they’ll never see
While you may be trapped at the same time you’re free
You know who you are and don’t want change
So who cares if people look at you like you’re strange
You’ve found yourself in the midst of this crazy world
Your uniqueness makes you as precious as a pearl
Be who you are while looking in from the outside
Because despite its faults life will provide
If nothing else is true this much is
Life is what you make it I promise you this
So hold your head hide and never let go
It’s your turn to let the world know and show
That you are yourself and you a free
To be who you are and who you want to be
Jen
Monday, October 04, 2004
Music To My Ears
If I know one thing about music, I know that it is a release of emotion. Each different type of music expresses emotions differently and yet they seem to be saying the same thing. Songs can tell you someone's whole life story, or they can capture a particular moment in time.
Music can help you through just about anything. Just turn on the radio or pop in your favorite CD and you're bound to find a song that can relate to what you're feeling. It's amazing how some people have that gift to be able to capture life and put it into words that we can all read and understand.
I don't know about you, but I've been listening to music my entire life. Whether it was the 80's music (hair bands/rock), or if it was oldies and light rock, there was always music playing in the house while growing up. Even today music plays a big part in my life. It can either sooth the soul or it helps you to let out your anger and aggression by just listening to the lyrics.
I was supposed to get tickets to go see Alter Bridge and Crossfade at the Avalon in Boston, but plans fell through and I ended up without the tickets. Then I was supposed to go to Locobazooka 2004, but yet again I was unable to go for various reason, even though most of my new favorite bands were playing. My brother, however, did manage to go and guess what? He was front row throughout the entire show! Yeah, how jealous am I?
A lot of the bands that played are local or not very well known, but their music is great! I mean check out the line up from Loco.
Well back to the point that I was trying to make. My brother, the sweet guy that he is, IM-ed me tonight and asked if I wanted to go see Dogfight. Of course you could imagine my surprise! I told him yes immediately and now he's taking care of the whole ticket thing, which, cross your fingers, won't fall through again.
There's nothing like a good song to make your life seem so much better! I absolutely love the newer rock music, well, it's new to me at least. I love how a lot of the bands are going back to the music!
So to all you music lovers out there check out the links above. Until next time.
Jen
Music can help you through just about anything. Just turn on the radio or pop in your favorite CD and you're bound to find a song that can relate to what you're feeling. It's amazing how some people have that gift to be able to capture life and put it into words that we can all read and understand.
I don't know about you, but I've been listening to music my entire life. Whether it was the 80's music (hair bands/rock), or if it was oldies and light rock, there was always music playing in the house while growing up. Even today music plays a big part in my life. It can either sooth the soul or it helps you to let out your anger and aggression by just listening to the lyrics.
I was supposed to get tickets to go see Alter Bridge and Crossfade at the Avalon in Boston, but plans fell through and I ended up without the tickets. Then I was supposed to go to Locobazooka 2004, but yet again I was unable to go for various reason, even though most of my new favorite bands were playing. My brother, however, did manage to go and guess what? He was front row throughout the entire show! Yeah, how jealous am I?
A lot of the bands that played are local or not very well known, but their music is great! I mean check out the line up from Loco.
Well back to the point that I was trying to make. My brother, the sweet guy that he is, IM-ed me tonight and asked if I wanted to go see Dogfight. Of course you could imagine my surprise! I told him yes immediately and now he's taking care of the whole ticket thing, which, cross your fingers, won't fall through again.
There's nothing like a good song to make your life seem so much better! I absolutely love the newer rock music, well, it's new to me at least. I love how a lot of the bands are going back to the music!
So to all you music lovers out there check out the links above. Until next time.
Jen
Monday, September 27, 2004
Go Away
Can you follow me
Can you follow you
Just take a look back
To all that we've been through
I see you look at me
Just take a look at you
Sick and tired of the lies
What am I going to do
Can you see what I see
I can see what you do
Don't think I'll give in
Not after what I've been through
Are you listening to me
Because I'm talking to you
This is my final good-bye
I won't tell you where I'm going to
I see you
And it's making me ill
I want you
To just go away, go away...
Can you follow you
Just take a look back
To all that we've been through
I see you look at me
Just take a look at you
Sick and tired of the lies
What am I going to do
Can you see what I see
I can see what you do
Don't think I'll give in
Not after what I've been through
Are you listening to me
Because I'm talking to you
This is my final good-bye
I won't tell you where I'm going to
I see you
And it's making me ill
I want you
To just go away, go away...
Monday, September 20, 2004
Random Ranting and Raving
I was watching TV today and I've concluded that whoever decided to change the TV shows sucks! What ever happened to all of the great shows that I watched while growing up? I mean seriously Fraggle Rock, the Smurfs, Carebears, Rainbow Brite, Strawberry Shortcake, Lady Lovely Locks, My Little Pony, Gummy Bears, and Ninja Turtles. Then you get into the whole classic Nickelodeon shows like Norman the Gnome and Urika's Castle. Add to that Sesame Street, the Muppet Show, Muppet Babies, Pound Puppies, Shera, Transformers, Lamb Chop, Wishbone, Winnie the Pooh, and Jem. God, those were the good 'ole days.
Sitting down watching TV now makes me long for those fun shows. I can't believe the way that TV shows are today. I mean not that many of the shows I watched were all that great, but some of them on today are just bad. That's the only way that I can describe it.
I know that if you read through most of my entries I talk about my past and childhood, but I only write about what I know. What I can tell you that I know for sure, is that kids now are missing out on a lot of great things. Growing up in the 80's and 90's was fun to say the least. Where else could you have watched Alf, Punky Bruster, Blossom, and Charles in Charge? You can't forget Golden Girls, Levern and Shirley, or MacGyver. I still remember watching some of these shows while being babysat. I'd sit there in front of the TV coloring or painting.
Those were some pretty great shows. If you're lucky you can catch them on late might TV reruns. As you can probably imagine I'm sitting here in my dorm room reminiscing about the good old days when I should be sleeping because I have an 8AM class in the morning. So with that said, I'll leave you to remembering all those good times growing up.
Jen
Sitting down watching TV now makes me long for those fun shows. I can't believe the way that TV shows are today. I mean not that many of the shows I watched were all that great, but some of them on today are just bad. That's the only way that I can describe it.
I know that if you read through most of my entries I talk about my past and childhood, but I only write about what I know. What I can tell you that I know for sure, is that kids now are missing out on a lot of great things. Growing up in the 80's and 90's was fun to say the least. Where else could you have watched Alf, Punky Bruster, Blossom, and Charles in Charge? You can't forget Golden Girls, Levern and Shirley, or MacGyver. I still remember watching some of these shows while being babysat. I'd sit there in front of the TV coloring or painting.
Those were some pretty great shows. If you're lucky you can catch them on late might TV reruns. As you can probably imagine I'm sitting here in my dorm room reminiscing about the good old days when I should be sleeping because I have an 8AM class in the morning. So with that said, I'll leave you to remembering all those good times growing up.
Jen
Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover
I found out long ago that not everything is what it seems. You know that saying, "Don't judge a book by it's cover." So why do many feel the need to completely write each other off based on appearance and assumptions? This is one of the many questions that baffles me.
Everyday people walk around absorbing their surroundings and observing everything in them. This includes watching others and "studying" what they are like. No I don't mean studying as a scientific lab experiment or stalking. What I mean is that no matter who you are, people watch the way others behave around them and based on their observations, judge those being observed. It is part of the way that we interact and part of our social consciousness. In order to initiate any type of communication with people, we tend to talk to others who appear to be most compatible or appealing to ourselves.
I'm no different from anyone else. Do I observe the world around me? Yes, I do. However, I try not to judge others too harshly because you never know what they are dealing with. Just because a person may appear one way, does not necessarily mean that everything is as it appears at face value. It is easy enough to put up a mask to shield one's self from the rest of the world. People hide things in their lives in order to fit in. People often hide the real person that they are in order to be a part of the social crowd.
No really has the right to judge someone else because of how they dress and who they hang out with. Sure you may not agree with the things that they do, but has it ever occurred to you that there may be something more going on there, that there may be something beneath the surface just out of reach? Before people judge each other they should consider what might be going on in that other person's life. Maybe they have a rough life at home and their "tough guy" attitude is their protection. Maybe something has happened in their life that has changed them. Just maybe they're having a bad day.
Here's a scenario for you:
The happy-go-lucky, straight A student goes to school everyday with a smile plastered on his face. He keeps to himself mainly, except for the few friends that he was close to. He dealt with the nagging and assumption that everything was perfect in his life, but no one knew that it was in fact the complete opposite. His family life sucked and he dealt with the constant bullies growing up. Then one day, what was seemingly out of the blue, he flips out on everyone and tells them to back off. He basically tells them the hours of work he puts in to get his grades and that it doesn't come easily. Needless to say everyone left him alone after that!
Ok here's another scenario:
The woman speeding down the highway driving kind of recklessly cuts you off. You get angry and start swearing and yelling. You're pissed of because she's driving like an idiot. Little do you know that she just received a call from the hospital and her teenage son was just admitted and is unstable. She's racing to the hospital to get there because the doctors told her that it didn't look good and they didn't give her son much time to live.
These are just a couple of the things that could happen and in many cases have happened. People go around judging one another for often times no reason at all. I'm not saying I'm perfect when it comes to this. I'm just saying that I've been on the receiving end of being judges for appearances and assumptions, and let me tell you that it sucks! No one likes to be judged, at least not when there isn't justification behind it. Being known as the "brain," "jock," "princess," "cheerleader," "drama-queen,""geek," or anything else isn't really being known at all. Sure these characteristics are a part of who we are and can describe a lot of what we do, but it isn't everything.
When I think back to high school, it doesn't bring back many good memories. My school was full of cliques, many of which made high school Hell! I was caught between groups of friends and different cliques, so it was hard to relate to one particular group. I was judged by my academic standing, athletic ability, and appearance. While these three things were a major part of my high school identity, they didn't really define the real me. Not many people took the time to get to know me outside of those classifications.
I still see the same thing going on here in college, but to a lesser degree. Thankfully everything is more laid back here. I don't think that I could ever handle high school again. Then again, who would want to do that again?
Jen
Everyday people walk around absorbing their surroundings and observing everything in them. This includes watching others and "studying" what they are like. No I don't mean studying as a scientific lab experiment or stalking. What I mean is that no matter who you are, people watch the way others behave around them and based on their observations, judge those being observed. It is part of the way that we interact and part of our social consciousness. In order to initiate any type of communication with people, we tend to talk to others who appear to be most compatible or appealing to ourselves.
I'm no different from anyone else. Do I observe the world around me? Yes, I do. However, I try not to judge others too harshly because you never know what they are dealing with. Just because a person may appear one way, does not necessarily mean that everything is as it appears at face value. It is easy enough to put up a mask to shield one's self from the rest of the world. People hide things in their lives in order to fit in. People often hide the real person that they are in order to be a part of the social crowd.
No really has the right to judge someone else because of how they dress and who they hang out with. Sure you may not agree with the things that they do, but has it ever occurred to you that there may be something more going on there, that there may be something beneath the surface just out of reach? Before people judge each other they should consider what might be going on in that other person's life. Maybe they have a rough life at home and their "tough guy" attitude is their protection. Maybe something has happened in their life that has changed them. Just maybe they're having a bad day.
Here's a scenario for you:
The happy-go-lucky, straight A student goes to school everyday with a smile plastered on his face. He keeps to himself mainly, except for the few friends that he was close to. He dealt with the nagging and assumption that everything was perfect in his life, but no one knew that it was in fact the complete opposite. His family life sucked and he dealt with the constant bullies growing up. Then one day, what was seemingly out of the blue, he flips out on everyone and tells them to back off. He basically tells them the hours of work he puts in to get his grades and that it doesn't come easily. Needless to say everyone left him alone after that!
Ok here's another scenario:
The woman speeding down the highway driving kind of recklessly cuts you off. You get angry and start swearing and yelling. You're pissed of because she's driving like an idiot. Little do you know that she just received a call from the hospital and her teenage son was just admitted and is unstable. She's racing to the hospital to get there because the doctors told her that it didn't look good and they didn't give her son much time to live.
These are just a couple of the things that could happen and in many cases have happened. People go around judging one another for often times no reason at all. I'm not saying I'm perfect when it comes to this. I'm just saying that I've been on the receiving end of being judges for appearances and assumptions, and let me tell you that it sucks! No one likes to be judged, at least not when there isn't justification behind it. Being known as the "brain," "jock," "princess," "cheerleader," "drama-queen,""geek," or anything else isn't really being known at all. Sure these characteristics are a part of who we are and can describe a lot of what we do, but it isn't everything.
When I think back to high school, it doesn't bring back many good memories. My school was full of cliques, many of which made high school Hell! I was caught between groups of friends and different cliques, so it was hard to relate to one particular group. I was judged by my academic standing, athletic ability, and appearance. While these three things were a major part of my high school identity, they didn't really define the real me. Not many people took the time to get to know me outside of those classifications.
I still see the same thing going on here in college, but to a lesser degree. Thankfully everything is more laid back here. I don't think that I could ever handle high school again. Then again, who would want to do that again?
Jen
Saturday, September 18, 2004
Within A Dream
Sick of waiting, suffocating
Tired of living in silence hating
Wondering when it all will cease
Longing to find that endless peace
Reaching for an unseen hand
Blindly scanning barren land
Searching out the life not lived
Grasping for that priceless gift
Holding on to bare thread
Not giving into the consuming dread
Watching the light pass through the sky
Not ready to give up life and die
Losing grip on all that is real
Silently praying to once again feel
Wanting to find the light in the dark
Silently searching for that single spark
Wanting to live and to be free
Hoping once again to be able to see
Wanting to live the life that was meant
Patiently waiting for answers to be sent
Noting the change in the world around
Gazing as the last star falls to the ground
Dreaming of the life that might have been
Wanting to go back to start over again
Searching for a sign, for unyielding hope
Seeing this life through another's scope
Watching it all as if in a dream
Wondering if everything is how it seems
Settling back into the arms of sleep
Eyes closing to silently weep
Turmoil erupting in the heart and mind
Hoping relief is swift and judgment is kind
Peacefully drifting into the sands of time
While knowing the love was not a crime
Waking up in the night with a start
Finally realizing one must follow the heart
This was just a little something that sort of just came to me while staring at the dreaded blank computer screen.
Jen
Tired of living in silence hating
Wondering when it all will cease
Longing to find that endless peace
Reaching for an unseen hand
Blindly scanning barren land
Searching out the life not lived
Grasping for that priceless gift
Holding on to bare thread
Not giving into the consuming dread
Watching the light pass through the sky
Not ready to give up life and die
Losing grip on all that is real
Silently praying to once again feel
Wanting to find the light in the dark
Silently searching for that single spark
Wanting to live and to be free
Hoping once again to be able to see
Wanting to live the life that was meant
Patiently waiting for answers to be sent
Noting the change in the world around
Gazing as the last star falls to the ground
Dreaming of the life that might have been
Wanting to go back to start over again
Searching for a sign, for unyielding hope
Seeing this life through another's scope
Watching it all as if in a dream
Wondering if everything is how it seems
Settling back into the arms of sleep
Eyes closing to silently weep
Turmoil erupting in the heart and mind
Hoping relief is swift and judgment is kind
Peacefully drifting into the sands of time
While knowing the love was not a crime
Waking up in the night with a start
Finally realizing one must follow the heart
This was just a little something that sort of just came to me while staring at the dreaded blank computer screen.
Jen
Friday, September 17, 2004
Life Is Confusing
There is much in this life that can't be explained and while there are many who seek the answers to the unknown, some things are better left the way that they are. Why is it that people feel the need to know the answers the everything? Life could be so simple if everyone stopped trying to prove or disprove things in nature and their lives.
I find it hard often times to watch the things that are going on in the world around me. Not for a lack of interest, but from the lack of wanting to watch the world slowly corrupt and destroy itself. I look at the world we live in and am ashamed by the way things are. Life could be so simple if people could settle their differences and get along.
Many people are too concerned with their own self gain to see all of the problems that are arising in our lives. Material objects and possessions are what many people are after, but once one has them, what's the point? Life these days is very superficial! A lot of people place value on appearances rather than self worth and ability. The world, if anything is impersonal, a far cry from the once intimate place that existed in times not long gone by. People actually interacted with one another on a daily basis as a means of livelihood. Now we're lucky if we can contact one another on the phone or via the internet.
Don't get me wrong, there are some great things in the world today, but I just hope for something more and better than what is before me. I know that my idealistic dreams are just that, dreams, but I can't help but wonder what if things were different?
It is hard to imagine any other life than the one that I've known. Many times I find myself trying to imagine what it would be like to be someone else, if only for a little while. I used to see the world in such vivid hues and dream about what my life would be like when I got older. Now that I am older, I long for those days of blissful innocence, when nothing really mattered.
I try to rationalize how we got here and yet I can't really explain any of my own questions. Life is a mystery, one which hopefully never loses its thrill and adventure. I like daring to believe and trying new things.
My one hope, however, is that despite all of our differences and advances in technology, that we never forget where we came from. I know that this may sound cliche and a bit over done, but I can't help but think about the past and the founders of our country. What would they think if they saw the results of their sacrifices? Would they marvel at the way things are, or would they be appalled by the lack of the values that they were governed by?
I know that change is a good thing and that I need to get used to change, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it. I watch the world in front of me changing daily, while I'm still struggling to catch up with changes that took place what seem like ages ago. I'm still baffled at how rapidly life changes.
I just watched "Cold Mountain" and I can honestly say that it was hard to watch. Any war movie is hard to watch, but this one was just rough. The years of the Civil War were some pretty dark times in the US. We weren't really fighting "the enemy," we were fighting each other. Just the thought of such an event made my bold run cold and my heart nearly break. The vivid images and the graphic fights still stand out in my mind. I think the fact that this movies stands out in my mind so much is because of the fact that it really took place.
While today we aren't fighting amongst ourselves, we are still fighting. I may have my own thoughts and opinions on the way things are going right now in life in general, but I give my full support to the troops! They are just doing their job, fighting to ensure that we are all safe and sound. My thoughts and prayers go out to them and their families.
Hopefully, some time soon we can all find the peace that we all seem to need and crave. Living in fear of a constant threat is unsettling. I have a feeling that change is coming, whether good or bad, we have yet to know. One way or the other things are going to get interesting and I think that only time will tell the outcome of the events that are yet to take place.
I have a strong feeling that I am going to read this when I wake up in the morning and smack myself for ranting on because I couldn't think of anything else to do when I couldn't sleep. Until next time.
Jen
I find it hard often times to watch the things that are going on in the world around me. Not for a lack of interest, but from the lack of wanting to watch the world slowly corrupt and destroy itself. I look at the world we live in and am ashamed by the way things are. Life could be so simple if people could settle their differences and get along.
Many people are too concerned with their own self gain to see all of the problems that are arising in our lives. Material objects and possessions are what many people are after, but once one has them, what's the point? Life these days is very superficial! A lot of people place value on appearances rather than self worth and ability. The world, if anything is impersonal, a far cry from the once intimate place that existed in times not long gone by. People actually interacted with one another on a daily basis as a means of livelihood. Now we're lucky if we can contact one another on the phone or via the internet.
Don't get me wrong, there are some great things in the world today, but I just hope for something more and better than what is before me. I know that my idealistic dreams are just that, dreams, but I can't help but wonder what if things were different?
It is hard to imagine any other life than the one that I've known. Many times I find myself trying to imagine what it would be like to be someone else, if only for a little while. I used to see the world in such vivid hues and dream about what my life would be like when I got older. Now that I am older, I long for those days of blissful innocence, when nothing really mattered.
I try to rationalize how we got here and yet I can't really explain any of my own questions. Life is a mystery, one which hopefully never loses its thrill and adventure. I like daring to believe and trying new things.
My one hope, however, is that despite all of our differences and advances in technology, that we never forget where we came from. I know that this may sound cliche and a bit over done, but I can't help but think about the past and the founders of our country. What would they think if they saw the results of their sacrifices? Would they marvel at the way things are, or would they be appalled by the lack of the values that they were governed by?
I know that change is a good thing and that I need to get used to change, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it. I watch the world in front of me changing daily, while I'm still struggling to catch up with changes that took place what seem like ages ago. I'm still baffled at how rapidly life changes.
I just watched "Cold Mountain" and I can honestly say that it was hard to watch. Any war movie is hard to watch, but this one was just rough. The years of the Civil War were some pretty dark times in the US. We weren't really fighting "the enemy," we were fighting each other. Just the thought of such an event made my bold run cold and my heart nearly break. The vivid images and the graphic fights still stand out in my mind. I think the fact that this movies stands out in my mind so much is because of the fact that it really took place.
While today we aren't fighting amongst ourselves, we are still fighting. I may have my own thoughts and opinions on the way things are going right now in life in general, but I give my full support to the troops! They are just doing their job, fighting to ensure that we are all safe and sound. My thoughts and prayers go out to them and their families.
Hopefully, some time soon we can all find the peace that we all seem to need and crave. Living in fear of a constant threat is unsettling. I have a feeling that change is coming, whether good or bad, we have yet to know. One way or the other things are going to get interesting and I think that only time will tell the outcome of the events that are yet to take place.
I have a strong feeling that I am going to read this when I wake up in the morning and smack myself for ranting on because I couldn't think of anything else to do when I couldn't sleep. Until next time.
Jen
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Writing It Right
Everyone knows that the most intimidating thing in writing is the infamous blank page or blank computer screen. In order to write well you need to be in a relaxed setting with no stress or pressure as to the outcome of your master piece. There shouldn't be any distractions in the room unless you're the type of person who can write well with a lot of noise. By relaxing yourself and leaving plenty of time to pick a topic, research, write, and revise, you avoid the dreaded writer's block. Giving yourself at least 1-2 weeks to complete the writing process is key. I know that this seems like a longer amount of time than usual, but it really isn't that much time when you're balancing many classes that each have their own work due. This amount of time is for you to research, write, and revise.
Take it one step at a time, you don't want to rush things. First, pick a topic. To do this brainstorm, or pick something that interests you. Next, research it thoroughly and write down the information in easy to read notes. Then sit down and write. Just write what comes to you freely, regardless of how it sounds. Write everything that you think is important to the topic and keep going until you have a rather sizable amount of information. Once you have finished the first part of the writing, sit back and proof read your work. Fix and cut out anything that isn't the way you want it. Go through the usual grammar and spelling checks as well as going through and making sure that it makes sense. Then have someone else read your work. Have them make suggestions and then go from there. Rewrite your paper and keep rewriting until you have it exactly the way that you want it.
When writing I tend to follow the steps listed above. Writing in my most comfortable clothes sitting or lounging on my bed in a quiet room. I write what comes to my mind and go with it until I can't anymore. Which is what I did with the free blog. I wrote the first thing that came to my mind and went with it. Then I revised it until I felt comfortable enough to have others read it.
I usually write everything out by hand first because it is often easier to conquer the blank page than it is to conquer the blank computer screen. Once I have it all written down I revise and reread it. Once I'm somewhat satisfied with what I've written I go to the computer and write. This process is faster if you have something already written out and it makes it easier to build off of. Once it's finished I print and have others read it, make suggestions, and pretty much tear the paper apart in order to get it perfect, or as close to it as possible. Then I revise and keep revising until I feel that it is the best that I can make it.
To conquer writer's block I usually walk away from whatever it is that I'm working on, take a break, and then come back to it later. If I don't have the time to just walk away I begin another brainstorming session or just start writing about random stuff. Something will usually come to me in the midst of all the madness.
So here it is, the method to my madness, it's what works for me. Having a well planned process behind the writing process itself. Yes, some could argue that my writing process is pretty anal, and that I do more work than necessary, but it's what works for me and it is what has worked for me since I was in Jr. High. You may not agree with me and that's fine, but if you're having trouble writing and collecting your thoughts, try it. You may find that it works better than you thought it would.
Jen
Take it one step at a time, you don't want to rush things. First, pick a topic. To do this brainstorm, or pick something that interests you. Next, research it thoroughly and write down the information in easy to read notes. Then sit down and write. Just write what comes to you freely, regardless of how it sounds. Write everything that you think is important to the topic and keep going until you have a rather sizable amount of information. Once you have finished the first part of the writing, sit back and proof read your work. Fix and cut out anything that isn't the way you want it. Go through the usual grammar and spelling checks as well as going through and making sure that it makes sense. Then have someone else read your work. Have them make suggestions and then go from there. Rewrite your paper and keep rewriting until you have it exactly the way that you want it.
When writing I tend to follow the steps listed above. Writing in my most comfortable clothes sitting or lounging on my bed in a quiet room. I write what comes to my mind and go with it until I can't anymore. Which is what I did with the free blog. I wrote the first thing that came to my mind and went with it. Then I revised it until I felt comfortable enough to have others read it.
I usually write everything out by hand first because it is often easier to conquer the blank page than it is to conquer the blank computer screen. Once I have it all written down I revise and reread it. Once I'm somewhat satisfied with what I've written I go to the computer and write. This process is faster if you have something already written out and it makes it easier to build off of. Once it's finished I print and have others read it, make suggestions, and pretty much tear the paper apart in order to get it perfect, or as close to it as possible. Then I revise and keep revising until I feel that it is the best that I can make it.
To conquer writer's block I usually walk away from whatever it is that I'm working on, take a break, and then come back to it later. If I don't have the time to just walk away I begin another brainstorming session or just start writing about random stuff. Something will usually come to me in the midst of all the madness.
So here it is, the method to my madness, it's what works for me. Having a well planned process behind the writing process itself. Yes, some could argue that my writing process is pretty anal, and that I do more work than necessary, but it's what works for me and it is what has worked for me since I was in Jr. High. You may not agree with me and that's fine, but if you're having trouble writing and collecting your thoughts, try it. You may find that it works better than you thought it would.
Jen
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Starting to Feel Old...
Sitting back watching my ever growing family these past few weekends, I began to feel old! That's right, at the age of nineteen, I feel like an old lady. Most of my younger cousins and siblings are now growing so fast that I hardly recognize them. They all try to act so grown up, it makes me sad because they have no idea how fast their childhood will fly by. It pains me to know that most of them will lose their innocence and purity that goes along with being a child very shortly after they become more conscious of the world around them. Most of them live happily, content with being able to run free outside, catching bugs or "exploring," as most children often do.
Childhood is the one time in a person's life when they have no responsibility and don't have to acknowledge what is happening in the world around them. I remember running wild in the woods surrounding my house and walking in "the Forest" home from the neighbors house. I remember making our famous "dog bone stew" with my cousins. Rolling down huge hills in barrels or just rolling down without one, then sledding on those very same hills months later, was always a key activity in our family. Ice fishing, ice skating, snowball fights, and building snowmen were some of the more fun and more common winter activities that I participated in as a child. Birthday parties, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter, my whole family was always together for everything.
Gradually, however, as the years went by, it has been harder to stay close. I realize that this is a result of everyone growing up and living their own lives, but I still miss the family gatherings at the lake or at someone's house. It upsets me to see how much our family has changed over the years and how much the younger kids of the family are truly missing out.
Growing up I had a blast! We played games all of the time. Wiffle ball, basketball, hide and seek, freeze tag, tag, red light-green light, and marco polo were some of our favorite games to play. Everyone played or at least watched. Family gatherings brought not only the immediate family, but it was like a family reunion every time that we all got together.
Over the years I have come to realize that family is the most important thing in my life. My family has relied on one another to survive some pretty intense situations and that closeness has been passed on the next generation. In case you didn't guess by now, my family is extremely close and would do just about anything for one another. We stand by one another through thick and thin. I've always felt safe and as though I belong, but I also have my own unique place within my strong family ranks. We each have our own strengths and weaknesses, but where one person may be weak, there's another right there ready and willing to help.
As a family we've roofed houses and built garages in a matter of days, working along side one another to get the job done. We help each other as much as possible. I can honestly name most of my family members as the type of people who'd give you the shirt off of their back. Just thinking about my family makes me realize how lucky I've been in the scheme of things.
Watching each of my twenty-plus cousins and my brothers and sister grow up is an amazing thing. They each are taking their out time in developing their skills, but they are evident in almost everything that they do. I can't help but try imagining where each of them will be some day. My siblings I have a pretty good idea where they'll end up. TPC will either become a lawyer, or a psychologist, but don't hold me to that, he might change his mind. He can talk his way around anything and in the end he'll have you agreeing with him. My sister will either be a teacher or a nurse because of her nuturing nature. She's also going to make a really good mom some day. My youngest brother is going to go into a trade of some sort, he's really hands on and likes to be outside. This is just my guess at what my sibling will eventually do, but who knows, life has a funny way of deciding things for you.
I can't even begin to imagine where my life would be if not for my family. They have given me everything that I have and have always been there for me. They have supported me in everything that I have done and hope to do. It is because of them that I embrace art and writing and have the strength to try both. If it is one thing that I have learned in my life, it is that without family, you're pretty alone in the world. Family is one of the few things that remain constant. Friends come and go, but family will always be there.
Jen
Childhood is the one time in a person's life when they have no responsibility and don't have to acknowledge what is happening in the world around them. I remember running wild in the woods surrounding my house and walking in "the Forest" home from the neighbors house. I remember making our famous "dog bone stew" with my cousins. Rolling down huge hills in barrels or just rolling down without one, then sledding on those very same hills months later, was always a key activity in our family. Ice fishing, ice skating, snowball fights, and building snowmen were some of the more fun and more common winter activities that I participated in as a child. Birthday parties, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter, my whole family was always together for everything.
Gradually, however, as the years went by, it has been harder to stay close. I realize that this is a result of everyone growing up and living their own lives, but I still miss the family gatherings at the lake or at someone's house. It upsets me to see how much our family has changed over the years and how much the younger kids of the family are truly missing out.
Growing up I had a blast! We played games all of the time. Wiffle ball, basketball, hide and seek, freeze tag, tag, red light-green light, and marco polo were some of our favorite games to play. Everyone played or at least watched. Family gatherings brought not only the immediate family, but it was like a family reunion every time that we all got together.
Over the years I have come to realize that family is the most important thing in my life. My family has relied on one another to survive some pretty intense situations and that closeness has been passed on the next generation. In case you didn't guess by now, my family is extremely close and would do just about anything for one another. We stand by one another through thick and thin. I've always felt safe and as though I belong, but I also have my own unique place within my strong family ranks. We each have our own strengths and weaknesses, but where one person may be weak, there's another right there ready and willing to help.
As a family we've roofed houses and built garages in a matter of days, working along side one another to get the job done. We help each other as much as possible. I can honestly name most of my family members as the type of people who'd give you the shirt off of their back. Just thinking about my family makes me realize how lucky I've been in the scheme of things.
Watching each of my twenty-plus cousins and my brothers and sister grow up is an amazing thing. They each are taking their out time in developing their skills, but they are evident in almost everything that they do. I can't help but try imagining where each of them will be some day. My siblings I have a pretty good idea where they'll end up. TPC will either become a lawyer, or a psychologist, but don't hold me to that, he might change his mind. He can talk his way around anything and in the end he'll have you agreeing with him. My sister will either be a teacher or a nurse because of her nuturing nature. She's also going to make a really good mom some day. My youngest brother is going to go into a trade of some sort, he's really hands on and likes to be outside. This is just my guess at what my sibling will eventually do, but who knows, life has a funny way of deciding things for you.
I can't even begin to imagine where my life would be if not for my family. They have given me everything that I have and have always been there for me. They have supported me in everything that I have done and hope to do. It is because of them that I embrace art and writing and have the strength to try both. If it is one thing that I have learned in my life, it is that without family, you're pretty alone in the world. Family is one of the few things that remain constant. Friends come and go, but family will always be there.
Jen
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Saying Good-bye to Childhood Dreams
Nothing ever quite prepares you for the harsh reality of the "real world." You go through your whole life believing in things that shatter at the first bitter taste of reality. As a child you see life in one of the most amazing perspectives imaginable, but when you grow up and realize that the world doesn't live up to your standards, it's almost traumatic.
Growing up is hard enough to do, but add on all of the extra problems that we are are being confronted with in the world today, and you will realize that being young in the world is a scary thing to face. As the youth of the world, we are not only faced with the responsibility to fix what those before us have messed up, but also with the responsibilty to make a better life for ourselves and for those to come after us. It is almost impossible to even begin to comprehend the responsibilities that await me once I leave college.
As a child I always imagined living happily, growing up, meeting Mr. Right, and eventually having a family and home of my own. While I still hope that this will happen for me, my other dreams from my childhood seem so far away. I never thought about many of the major issues facing the world, then again, I was never expected to. Back then I was never really affected by what happened outside of my home, and while I am grateful to my parents for sheltering me, I wish that I was more prepared to handle everything that is going on in the world now.
Between the wars the now seem to be endless and countless, and the hatred and depravity that seem to be spreading, what hope is there for those dreams that have been all but given up on? I think back on everything that I once hoped and longed to do as a child and wonder what my life would be like if those dreams and aspirations came true for me. It is my belief that it's a sad world if children stop to dream because of the circumstances in which they live. Dreams are what formed society as it is today, if those dreams are lost, what hope is there for the future?
There's so much that's wrong with the world today that it makes me sick. There are homeless people in our country, people starving world-wide, and our environments are being abused. I never thought as a child I've have to face depleting our natural resources or Global Warming. It's all so overwhelming. Look around the world around you and just think about what it would have been like to live 100 or more years ago. At a time when there were more trees than anything, sure we have some great things in life now, but what would someone from 100 years ago say about the way we live, act, and treat one another?
I've always been known as "the dreamer" in my group of friends. One day I expressed my thoughts to CJC and her exact words were, "If you stop dreaming and believing, what hope does that leave the rest of us?" I still have faith that things have a chance of righting themselves in the world, but only time will tell. I may not have the idealic childhood dreams that I used to, but I still dream of something better, of something more.
Jen
Growing up is hard enough to do, but add on all of the extra problems that we are are being confronted with in the world today, and you will realize that being young in the world is a scary thing to face. As the youth of the world, we are not only faced with the responsibility to fix what those before us have messed up, but also with the responsibilty to make a better life for ourselves and for those to come after us. It is almost impossible to even begin to comprehend the responsibilities that await me once I leave college.
As a child I always imagined living happily, growing up, meeting Mr. Right, and eventually having a family and home of my own. While I still hope that this will happen for me, my other dreams from my childhood seem so far away. I never thought about many of the major issues facing the world, then again, I was never expected to. Back then I was never really affected by what happened outside of my home, and while I am grateful to my parents for sheltering me, I wish that I was more prepared to handle everything that is going on in the world now.
Between the wars the now seem to be endless and countless, and the hatred and depravity that seem to be spreading, what hope is there for those dreams that have been all but given up on? I think back on everything that I once hoped and longed to do as a child and wonder what my life would be like if those dreams and aspirations came true for me. It is my belief that it's a sad world if children stop to dream because of the circumstances in which they live. Dreams are what formed society as it is today, if those dreams are lost, what hope is there for the future?
There's so much that's wrong with the world today that it makes me sick. There are homeless people in our country, people starving world-wide, and our environments are being abused. I never thought as a child I've have to face depleting our natural resources or Global Warming. It's all so overwhelming. Look around the world around you and just think about what it would have been like to live 100 or more years ago. At a time when there were more trees than anything, sure we have some great things in life now, but what would someone from 100 years ago say about the way we live, act, and treat one another?
I've always been known as "the dreamer" in my group of friends. One day I expressed my thoughts to CJC and her exact words were, "If you stop dreaming and believing, what hope does that leave the rest of us?" I still have faith that things have a chance of righting themselves in the world, but only time will tell. I may not have the idealic childhood dreams that I used to, but I still dream of something better, of something more.
Jen
Spreading My Wings
Well, here I am world. My name is Jen and I am Sophomore in college. This is my first publication online, and anywhere else for that matter. Hopefully this experience will improve my writing skills and open up new doors for me in the scary reality of the big world. As a college student life isn't exactly the easiest thing, despite what people may tell you. Sure, there are parties and a lot of fun things to do, but it's a challenge from start to finish. There's so much riding on one's success or failure, that it is at times overwhelming.
What I'm hoping to get out of this more than anything else is to get some constructive criticism. I hope to someday become a writer, whether or not it's as a career or a past-time it is something I look forward to doing. There's so much I want out of life, and only time will tell if I succeed and reach my goals. Well, here I am spreading my wings for the first time, hopefully the world won't be too harsh.
Jen
What I'm hoping to get out of this more than anything else is to get some constructive criticism. I hope to someday become a writer, whether or not it's as a career or a past-time it is something I look forward to doing. There's so much I want out of life, and only time will tell if I succeed and reach my goals. Well, here I am spreading my wings for the first time, hopefully the world won't be too harsh.
Jen
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