What the Hell is the world coming to?

Have you ever felt a bit overwhelmed? So completely surrounded and saturated in what's going on the world around you that you find it hard to breathe? I'm laying here in my dorm room thinking about duty and what's expected and how it all seems so pointless. I just want to be happy but I am finding with the more time that passes that it's harder to actually be happy in life. I never wanted this life for myself or my family, I would have wanted something else, something more...despite how selfish that sounds. I am constantly reminded of what I am supposed to be doing and all of the gratitude I owe those who "helped" me get to where I am today. And yet I find everything lacking in major proportions. This life is one of hardships and work.

I'm really sick of the way that things are turning out. For one I think that the war has been a bit dragged out and used to serve the purposes of those in power. I completely support the troops and believe that something should have been done to implament change, but I'm not sure that the right solution was found. I just wish that people didn't have to die and sacrafice their lives over something that has been controversial and vague since day one, but I suppose that is the way that war is.

I'm sick of not wanting to watch TV, or read the news because of all the negativity and bad things that are spotlighted. True I'd rather know about things than be completely kept blind to what is happening, but it's overwhelming seeing only the bad, it's almost as if there isn't much good left in the world. I know that isn't true, but it's how it feels watching all the rapists, murderers, child molesters, kidnappers, etc. getting away with it. It makes me sick knowing that I've grown up in such a place and such a time where not many people feel safe anymore.

What the Hell is the world coming to?

Beginning

So this is the beginning of another year. I start classes today and I'm not too sure how I feel about that. I'm not sure what I want to do when this year is done, and I'm tired of people telling me that I wasted fours years and thousands of dollars at school, when in reality, it's not wasted. I've gained something that no one can take away from me, knowledge. Had I been able to take time to think about what it is that I wanted with my life earlier on, maybe I wouldn't be in the situation that I'm in right now. Who's to say?
I start class in about two hours and I don't think that I'm ready to go. I'm not ready to move on and begin living like things are "normal" again. I have the lump in my throat that won't go away no matter what I say or do. I have this empty void that at times feels like it's drowning me. I just want to be happy, but who knows when that will ever happen at this point. My entire life is hanging by a thread right now. The shambles that are left after this summer are crumbling slowly and steadily.
Will it ever get better? Will the pain ever go away? I hope so and soon because I don't want to hurt anymore and I don't want this morose outlook on life to affect those around me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So randomly one of my friends calls me and tells me she's got a problem. And all I kept thinking is that I can barely deal with my own right now, but I let her vent. Apparently she likes someone...big surprise there miss drama queen ;) ! The only problem is that he's her cousin's best friend...and the plot thickens. She doesn't know if she should tell him or just let things be and go with the flow. I keep telling her to let things work out on their own at least for the time being. He seems like he likes her as well from what she's told me, but that's only her side of the situation and I can't go ask him...that would be weird 'cause he doesn't know me all that well, so yeah can you say awkward.
My question to everyone who actually reads this, is does she actually go for it knowing that it might upset her cousin, or does she just act like nothing's going on, when it seems like there is? I don't know what to tell her because she usually makes a big deal out of nothing and reads into things a bit much, but I don't know what to say to her, it's hard.
If you have any input let me know.

The sanctity of life is lost amidst the ruins of it all,
The rebels rage their senseless battle through the night,
A lone star shines through the ash and smoke,
A false hope to the survivors of death and destruction,
Crosswinds blow the dust away from the mess,
Leaving the bare bones of society exposed to the elements,
A lone cry is heard out in the night,
A mournful goodbye called out,
The beginning of the end has begun and there's no excape,
Lost souls converge upon the light,
Fleeing the darkness of despair,
A last resort to find the way towards life,
Bitter endings sour the air,
As the warriors reap their victory upon their slaves,
Pilaging the masses as they go,
Taking with them the life and innocence,
The final hour draws near,
No place to go,
No place to hide,
The final show down into the unknown,
It is the beginning of the end.

Jmc 8/23/06

The more that I sit back and observe the world around me, the more I see things falling apart at the seams. Everything is being stretched to the limit and worn down to bare threads. It's depressing because pretty soon something's going to give and I have a feeling the it won't be too pretty.
I can't seem to let go of this eminent feeling of dread that's been building up for a while, call me cynical, pessimistic, fatalistic, whatever, but shit's going to hit the fan andI'm not sure taht I want to be there for it. Not everything is black and white and not everything is perfect. Most of the time what you read in fairy tales and other such fiction isn't even close to reality and it only makes reality that much more bitter.
I can't even watch the news on TV anymore because there is never anything good news or happy news. There is so much death, destruction, and corruption that I can't help but thinking what's the point in even watching? Especially since it's the same news over and over again, just different people, a different time and place.
Although I'm tired of the way that things are, there are some things that are worthwhile out there, it's just a matter of finding them and holding onto them. The simple pleasures in life are what make it all worth enduring. The little things that make you smile or laugh. Laughter is one of the things that the world needs more of.
It's truly amazing what hearing a contagious laugh can do to a room full or serious people. Laughter can change the mood of a situation almost immediately and completely. For instance, one of my best firends has a weird sense of humor but it grows on you, but what really gets you is his laugh. Its a chuckle, which is the only things that comes to mind when describing it. A deep bell chuckle that is so hard to resist that you often find yourself joining right in even if you don't know what you're laughing about.
Another one of my friends has this contagious little tinkling giggle. It's so light and care-free that you just join right in an let it all go. Some would findthe whole giggle thing annoying but its hard to resist.
Sometimes I just wish there was more to laugh at, things are getting a bit serious now and I know that it's all a part of life and growing up, but they say that laughter is the best medicine.

Well it's been a while since I've written anything and I figured that I probably should vent somewhere instead of bottling up all of my thoughts and emotions. To be quite frank I'm tired! I'm tired of the daily routine that never really deviates from the norm of what is expected or what is "right". I'm tired of living like everyone else does, day in and day out following the rules and doing what society deems appropriate, the Hell with that! In my opinion things need to change drastically. The way things are going now is going to lead to more problems than anyone knows how to deal with.
I'm really not sure that writing all of this down or saying all of this out loud will make any differnce but whatever works!
So here are some of the things that are pissing me off lately (and there's a lot):
1.) People telling me what to do and how to live my life
2.) People judging other without really getting to know them
3.) People leading others on and then disappearing from their lives only to reappear suddenly with someone else...
4.) The way that the government conveniently ignores or disregards the environmental problems facing the world
5.) The way that society deems that girls have to be rail thin to be attractive
6.) The way that society puts people down because they don't fit into a particular category or norm
7.) The way that no matter what you say no one seems to be listening and if they are they only hear what they want to
8.) The way that no matter how hard you try sometimes it's not quite enough
9.) How everytime a person goes who's had a past get's called out against or called upon they're automatically under the scrutiny and suspicion of everyone else
10.) That the inocent until proven guilty saying is less and less important
11.) That the justice system isn't as just as it should be
12.) That when a girl or young woman does the same things as a guy does... she's labeled a whore
13.) The double standard in life in general of genders...fuck that I've had it!
14.) How even though a girl is just as qualified in the field of technology or other male dominated careers she doesn't get the respect or credit that she deserves
15.) That when a girl does get into one of these fields everyone is waiting for her to screw up
16.) That no matter how hard you work to prove yourself it never seems good enough
17.) That even though we're "equal" other are given more privileges and rights
18.) How prejudices still plague our society but the government really doesn't recognize the problem
19.) How our country is so involved in the world's problems that it often overlooks the problems right here at home
20.) How when it comes to problems here the government is took stupid to accept the aid offered or there isn't any aid offered

Yeah I think you get the point the list could go on, but it felt really good to vent a little bit.

So now that the bitching is done I think that I should pay attention now...I'm in CAD class.