Random Thoughts

As I have gotten older I have been reflecting on my life and experiences more and more often. When I was younger I never really thought much about things in my life and just went along blissfully niave to the ways of the world. I find myself wondering how things in my life would be had certain events in my past turned out differently. Where would I be now if I chose another path?

I can't seem to allow myself to be satisfied or content with my life. I want so much more than there is before my eyes right now. Sure my life is better off when compared to many other people in the world today, but it is a far cry from being happy with it. I want to find that sparkle that has seemed to fade over time. I hate to wake up and see the reality of what the world is like every day. Each day the world around me begins to fade more into the shadows. A little more of the world that I once knew and looked at in awe, dies slowly with the passage of time.

I watch the life that I am living take the sidetracks from what I imagined it would be when I was younger. I know for a fact that not everything in life can be perfect, but it is hard for me to let life take me where ever it will go. I am so used to having things well thought out or planned out before I actually jump in and participate. Now nothing is for certain or planned out, and while that has a certain appeal, it scares the Hell out of me.

I know that all of this is a major part of growing up; dealing with the unknown and taking it all in stride, but I can't seem to let go of those past practices and routines. I guess that I'm just doing a lot of thinking, now that I have more time to myself to do so.

Life has a funny way of showing us things about ourselves and even though we may not necessarily understand the purpose for events, there is a reason for everything. This is something that I truly believe and live by. I'm trying not to read too much into things and to just go with the flow. Life's a roller coaster and I'm just along for the ride!

Jen