It's been a while since I've even thought to write here and in that time a lot has happened in my life. Life altering events and historical moments that will be remembered by many...I have grown as a person in the time that has elaspsed since my last posting. I've had to with the current state of things in life. With the economy and job market in it's current situation it's been a rough go of things for a while. Hours and people being cut back at work I am truly blessed and lucky to still have a job in my field. The day in and day out routine of my life hasn't really changed much. I mean I recently spread my wings a bit and moved out with my boyfriend, but life in general is as it has ever been. Between going to work and then trying to spend as much time as possible with family and friends in my free time, I'm living a life full of love and laughter and that in my mind, makes me richer than anyone I know (despite my struggle to pay the bills...).
I'm finally learning to take care of me...not leaning so much on my parents for everything, though they still help me with some things. Balancing a check book should be an easy enough concept however I never really remember to write everything down when I spend the money so hence the finance issues at times. Buying groceries and all the other domestic things are a bit well mundane but I don't know how that's true when shopping with my guy (he's always trying to make me laugh, a gift for which I can't be greatful enough in life). Doing laundry and other chores is still just as boring and crappy as I remember it growing up, but now I realize just how much mom used to do around the house on her own and I'm finally understanding and appreciating the fact that the woman could not only run and take care of the houseshold, but still work a full time job.
Life just is, and that is all I really want. To go on and keep moving forward bit by bit and hopefully in the end I'll have accomplished something or have something to leave behind that is remembered or worthwhile. I've tried having a more positive outlook on life because it really is just too short. You truly will never know how or when or why it ends, but that's the reality of it. Someday it does end, so you may as well make the most of our brief and enriched spark of life in the universe.
Have you ever watched a movie or read a book or just had a life experience that completely snaps you out of your own little bubble and makes you really think? I was watching a classic last year and that, I believe, was what helped me snap out of whatever post-college funk I had fallen into. (the adjustment to living back home with my family was harder than I had ever imagined). I was flipping through the channels one dreary winter day and came upon "The Barefoot Contessa" now one of my roommates in college was a film major so I figured that I would give it a try and I loved it, though it was sad. The motto, which I've kind of tried to use in my own life "che sara sara" roughly meaning "whatever will be, will be" has been something I try to remind myself of. Life is far too short to stress over the inconsequential things. So I try not to worry and stress quite so much. Things in life are going to happen for no rhyme or reason that we discern, so it's how we handle these situations and little curve balls that God, destiny, the fates or whichever you deem the controlling factor in life, decides to throw your way. Why worry so much about tomorrow when you can live today?
And now I will leave you with something a bit dark and pessamistic, however when these things come to mind I have to write them down or I can't focus on anything else.
falling shadows fill the air
day turns to dusk and night begins
silent voices scream in the night
and the world moves on without a care
madness and chaos take over the soul
purity and innocence all but die
rending the helpless incapable to fight
a taint and poison leeches in
a boiling rage simmers beneath the surface
waiting to unleash its fury on all
the frothing and foaming mouth drips
noxious fumes permeate the air
gnashing the teeth and crunching the bones
spitting on the ashes of a life no more
claws raking through the flesh of an empty shell
the soul has fled the pain and hate
calling out into the moonless sky
a harrowing bone-chilling sound
nowhere to run and nowhere to hide
too late it is done...
jmc 8/4/09
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